Third Time’s a Charm

Here we go, Cosentyx, here we go!

I’m like a cheerleader with this new immunosuppressant.
A monthly shot only, the only downside I can see at this point (after three months on the med) is that those last few days before the next shot, my body starts to rebel. My feet ache, as do my ankles, elbows, wrists and — the worst — my neck and shoulders.

(Sidenote: My sister sent me a neck massager with a heating function that I use almost daily, no matter the time of month. It is one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. It looks like this:

…and it’s been a lifesaver. )

The thing I’m realizing, too, is how ankylosing spondylitis saps the life out of you. As I approach the end of the month, I feel twenty years older. Mornings are productive, my mind sharp, and tasks get accomplished. But come afternoon, around 4:30 or so, I start to flag. I feel the balloon that is wakefulness slowly letting out air, and by 9 pm I’m ready for bed. I’ve always read before going to sleep, but on those nights, as soon as my head hits the pillow I’m out. The week before my shot I had three nights wherein I slept more than 10 hours. The exhaustion is real and sneaks up on you.

Of course, my witty therapist told me I have to also realize that I’m getting older. We were having an online session and I gave her a look that received a “What? It’s true!” response. I’m 51, people, and I have so much left to do in this life.

My shots are usually on the 6th of each month. I could not wait for that box to arrive in the mail, cold-packed, my Cosentyx auto injector inside. I made a point of paying attention to how wiped out I was pre-shot versus how I felt a couple of days post-injection. That couple of days is today. And I do feel more energetic, less ready to crawl into bed and nap for 12 hours.

I need to increase my level of mindfulness around this exhaustion issue. It’s a sign that my body and mind are spent, and perhaps I could do more to support both. I’m way too young for lethargy to be this bad. Perhaps I’m fooling myself, but this is not the time to be limiting experiences or slowing down. I’m working with a personal trainer to increase my strength, and I’m trying to cut back on the two foods that sit at the top of my personal food chain: cheese and chips. Portion control is a battle, but I know I’d feel better with less weight on this body.

Yesterday I did a short hike up Marshall Mesa outside of Boulder, Colorado. It was a stunner of an autumn day, and the Front Range of the Rocky Mountains was on full display. The photo I used for this post’s header was taken on that hike. I didn’t go too far, as I’m starting from zero fitness wise, but just moving my legs felt good. Familiar. I used to hike a good deal, but then…I didn’t. I want that person back–the one who never went a weekend without a long bike ride or a hike, the one who pushed her physical limits often. Even as a larger woman, I was pretty damn fit. But I lost myself along the way, somehow, and I stopped moving in any way that felt “uncomfortable.” Trouble is, I know better. Yoga calms my central nervous system in immeasurable ways, and I could hike for miles and miles once I get rolling. There’s a destination on my horizon: Climb a 13er by the end of June, 2022. Horseshoe Mountain at 13,898 ft, then across a saddle to Mt. Sherman. Goals.